TOMCATS (Mashiro Minamino)

For people that only read the shiny-new-fully-loaded-red-convertible-“BL4LYFE”-vanity-plate version of BL, the sort of yaoi that SuBLime and Kuma and Seven Seas put out, they may not realize just how bad some of these older and obscure 70s-wood-bodied-station-wagon-with-bullet-holes sort of BL titles that Kitty and Deux put out can be. That’s what this blog is for guys, I read the crap so you don’t have to! I have bullet proof armor when it comes to bad BL, at least I thought I did. This one though….dear Rod Hardsteel from Deux Press, I eagerly await my medal of honor in the mail for all my fallen brain cells lost in combat while reading this.

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PART-TIME PETS (Reno Amagi)

The back of the books calls this ‘one of the hottest, silliest yaoi manga ever written!’ Well me set the record straight right now, this has about as much truth to it as Epstein having killed himself. Not that most people actually take the marketing lines on book covers with anything but a grain of salt, but I’m seriously doubtful that whoever wrote that actually read this because it should, without a doubt, have a little official-looking seal somewhere on the cover that says ‘Certified Crap.’ I mean, that would probably only appeal to people like me who think it’s fun to play on the garbage pile, but least it wouldn’t be false advertising.

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GOD OF DOGS (Satoru Ishihara)

This might be the only “BL” manga in existence where two people get dissolved in acid baths, but no men actually make contact with each other sexually in any way, shape, or form. I wish I was kidding.

I did indeed read this, I am sure of it. My eyeballs looked at the words and pictures on each page, but my brain had a hard time translating them into any sort of cohesive anything, it was such a garbled mess of idea, characters, and words – maybe I won’t even try. It’s about like…ancient Chinese assassins and NYC gang warfare? Something like that. When I was somewhere around the middle of trying in vain to process this book, I looked it up on mangaupdates for some info on how and why this mess came to be and discovered some very important information – this is the sequel to another series, one that was not licensed in English. *facepalm* Grandma June was just off her meds again guys, nothing to see here. Maybe we should take away her car keys…

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KINGDOM OF SELFISH LOVE (Yaoi Press/Studio Kosen)

‘Hey X, when are you going to review another Yaoi Press title?’ said no one ever, especially since that requires actual readers of this blog. Unlike the group that create these terrible books, I am under no delusion that people want to read by self-indulgent BS, much less even think of charging anyone for it. But funny you ask, imaginary reader, because I have here five or so of these titles that I got ages ago in some mixed yaoi lot on eBay (the only way Kosen titles ever find their way to me…). Before mixing them among the hymnals in the pews of my local church, I thought it would be fun to review them. Unfortunately to review them, this means I have to read them. The fact that I’m only just getting around to this about a year into a pandemic lockdown should tell you how much I wanted to do this. But if I can save even one person from paying $12.95 for this one in particular, it will have been worth it. Not all heroes wear capes!

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POISON CHERRY DRIVE (Modoru Motoni)

I had an inkling that this book was going to be bad. Partly a premonition based on the art style, followed by an educated guess based on the fact that it’s a Kitty title. Ages ago a read a brief review of it saying it was trash, and that nugget of info apparently stayed with me as well. ‘Trash’ may be too nice a descriptor though in this case – it sounds too polite. I’m gonna slightly bump it up a level to ‘hot garbage.’ It’s terrible even by Kitty standards and makes the likes even the bottom of the barrel of BL look like Tezuka works. While reading I was on the lookout for the answer to the question of why they wanted to license this, but I never did find it. Even halfway through, this dumpster fire was still managing to go downhill with no brakes.

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YOU & HARUJION (Keiko Kinoshita)

I don’t think I’ve ever bought a book for myself that I knew I wasn’t going to like before – until I started this blog, that is. The reason was twofold: 1) Bad yaoi is more fun to review. And rarely am I positive that a book is going to be terrible before I start it, thus I didn’t want to pass up this opportunity. 2) Altruism. That $2 was a sacrifice for you guys, to wander deep in the dark cave and bring back photo evidence of what that lies within, so that no one else has to risk their lives. If this is my last post and it’s three months after the datestamp, I probably didn’t make it out alive. Spread yabara on my grave, fam.

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A KING’S LESSON (Futaba/Mitsuba)

…in which I learned that apparently Japan isn’t really familiar with Christmas lights. I know they don’t really celebrate it like we do but I definitely saw them on the trees when I was in Japan around November, maybe they just don’t associate them with the holiday? Hmm. Oh, also, there’s a weird weiner in here. Like, not that I’m a professional, but I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to look like a wet finger.

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MILLENIUM DARLING 2006 (Maki Naruto)

I really want to like June as a publishing company more than I do, considering the amount of money I give them. They have an enormous library of some really great titles (well, they did anyway, before they lost their contract with Libre). However, they 1) Can’t keep most of them in print without asking for money on Kickstarter, and 2) Do shit like only license/publish the third book of a series. What kind of shiitake are they smoking over there where they think this a good idea?

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