MAID IN HEAVEN (Hisami Shimada)

The maid fetish is much more popular over at Uncle Hentai’s Loli Lake rather than here at Cousin Yaoi’s Buttsex Beach, where it’s just one of many tropes in the crossdressing category and can really only be found scattered in a few English titles (DMP’s Project-H hentai imprint put out some crossdressing manga, and although they’re technically yaoi they seem to be more designed for straight men who like femboys in costumes and there’s no actual sex). There are certainly not many yaoi in English solely dedicated to maid outfits, mainly this one and….well, this one. So get out your canoe and ‘yaoi’ paddle, go down yonder on Rimjob River to Ye Olde Cock Cabin, stand on the ‘Bears Only’ welcome mat and use the testicle door knocker, and come inside to watch…a rich dude pound the asshole of a servant boy crossdressing as a French maid. Hey, it’s probably better than half the shows being shat onto streaming at the moment…

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SHINOBU KOKORO (Temari Matsumoto)

I need to start by mentioning that there is a hand job on page 2 of this book. Now THIS is my kind of yaoi! If only all books were like this. Think how much better Harry Potter would improve if Harry and Malfoy just whipped their “wands” out and got it over with in the first book. “That doesn’t make any sense, those characters weren’t gay,” you may be thinking. Well, a lot of fanfiction would disagree. See, you just have to read between the lines! Try it the next time you watch a Marvel movie, you’ll get all kinds of plot points…

So uh, this is basically gay softcore PWP ninja porn for girls. And call me a sucker but I might as well have a bullseye on my back in terms of the people who make up the target market for this sort of stuff, so naturally I loved it and was inclined to ignore some of its flaws (“some” being the keyword). What can I say, I am an easy customer when it comes to hot bishies porking each other in ninja garb despite what might be something like a 25+ year age gap in the first story with dubious consent. ✋ Ay-yai-yai…

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TITAN’S BRIDE VOL 1 (ITKZ)

So, my friend Shinami gave me this for Christmas, and I have to say, it is one of the most fun and enjoyable Christmas presents I’ve ever gotten, possibly *the* most fun and enjoyable one – and my sister and I got a trampoline once. This is uncensored BL to boot, so it’s like Santa came twice in a row. He has a big sack after all.

And oh boy was this a treat. If the odd premise of a bishounen who we will pretend is 18 getting whisked away to another world and then pile-driven by a comically massive titan cock for 150+ pages doesn’t really appeal to you now, I have a suggestion: it just might not appeal to you yet. The protagonist had the same realization, you know.

Warning: Uncensored dick after the jump.

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HAPPY YAOI YUM YUM (Yaoi Press)

We have (fucking finally) reached the end of the Yaoi Press pile, and I purposely saved the best for last – so if Yaoi Press titles are too offensive to your eyesight to finish more than one review, make it this one. And if you’ve read them all so far and are ready to tap out due to early onset degenerative eyesight damage , it’s too late to turn back now, my friend. We’re nearing the summit and that last avalanche blocked our descent path. Plus, do you have any idea how many Yaoi Press titles there are?! There’s like 60 of them, think how merciful I am! This isn’t Everest, this is a bunny slope! Don’t you want to see what’s at the top of the mounta…errr…large snowy hill? There’s a lot going on up there but just from this low vantage point, I can see we’ve got dudes getting fucked with corn, tentacle kemonomimi rape, and a trap porn parody of Goldilocks and Three Bears. Woo-wee! Tighten up your boots and let’s get a move on. Those people above us on the ski lift are just pussies . Oh, look, there’s a sign:

“This sounds like a great book for my 8-year-old, I just want to make sure it’s censored?”

Warning: Very NSFW images after the jump.

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KISS ALL THE BOYS (Shiuko Kano)

Even if you’re not a fan of Shiuko Kano’s work, it’s hard not to acknowledge her vast contributions to this wild and wonderful niche of ours – she debuted in the mid-90s and has been steadily churning out work ever since then, which surely merits some kind of lifetime achievement prize (a crystal penis statue?). Perhaps she will even join the likes of Ayano Yamane and Hinako Takanaga in the pantheon of BL goddesses one day for dedication to the art of porncraft, on a pedestal where dick-shaped vines gleefully snake up your winged sandals and a statue of a golden ass (!) stands at your side. If nothing else she’s staked her claim in the genre by sheer willpower and steady output of work, since she never really had a blockbuster series in English (Punch Up is stellar, but not on the level of, say, the Finder series). She is also fearless in what she commits to paper, for better or for worse, with a unique style that she has managed to tweak through the years to keep fresh. That’s the top cushion of the sandwich for what I’m about to say, which is that sometimes her stories are so trashy or ridiculous or her characters so unattractive with their weird short haircuts and prominent noses that I just can’t get into it (like Affair for example). BUT, here’s the bottom cushion – with a body of work as large as hers, there’s bound to be some duds mixed in, right? Thankfully, this isn’t one of them.

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THE INCREDIBLE KINTARO (Naomi Guren)

I may or may not have gotten this title just to review it. And holy fuck am I glad I did. ‘Speechless’ is a word that often gets attached to a greater number of things than it’s truly worthy of describing, but I think this manga checks that box.

Things That Grow and their Practical Applications: The Christian Summer Camp Middle School Reader, 6th ed.  (alternate title idea) 

VERY NSFW pictures after the jump, even by BL standards.

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