CAUSE OF MY TEACHER (Temari Matsumoto)

My manga friend told me today this was the worst yaoi she’d ever read, and gave it 1/10 – so naturally, and very excitedly, I had to pull it from my shelf and read it immediately. I mean damn, that’s harsh, I’ve never even rated anything that low (not even Kingdom of Selfish Love, which is unfit even for toilet paper). Although I keep in mind that ratings are totally subjective opinions, I should also remember that most people don’t deliberately do the equivalent of yaoi dumpster diving, looking for the smelliest piles in the darkest corners and I’ve seen some shit. I’m going to have that faraway stare of a war veteran one of these days.

‘Grandma, why are you missing a leg?’

‘Oh sonny, back in the war, they dropped Studio Kosen titles on us, so many that we were slaughtered like cattle under a black rain of death, followed by Poison Cherry Drive for good measure which ate away our limbs and our will to live…’

‘Wow, how did you escape?’

‘I saw a glowing beam in the sky. It was the Incredible Kintaro himself, swinging his giant penis around the sky like Wonder Woman’s lasso, striking down the enemy with his thousand-pound titanium balls while yelling ‘Tofu Ball Choke!’ and shooting lasers out of his urethra.’

‘Grandma, you’re full of shit.’

‘Hey, respect your elders you little fuckhead.’

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AUTHOR’S PET (Deathco Cotorino)


If there was a such a thing as cheap, no-frills takeout in yaoi form, this would be it. Made from a standard recipe with no surprises, and maybe a little bland at spice level 2-3 , but it meets your expectations and satisfies your appetite. Plus you didn’t have to cook. No leftovers though, they didn’t give you any more sex extra rice than was required 🥡 sad panda…🐼

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YAOI ANTHOLOGY (Yaoi Press)

These two books contain five stories put together, and I guess ‘variety’ is one way to describe them. ‘Full of rape’ is another way I guess. We’ve got…demon threesome rape, captor x captive rape, and hillbilly rapists in Idaho *which isn’t even also* the blood-brother rape pairing. I can’t think of any clever way to combine ‘rape’ and ‘anthology’ for a better name they could have called these, but if there is one out there somewhere floating in the English language – ah yes that’s what they should have called it, that exactly.

I crabbed about this in Kingdom of Selfish Love too, but if you’re going to draw OEL yaoi, why even bother if you’re either censoring or not showing any dick? Like actually though? I mean, there’s some uncomfortable sex scenes and pairings in here I guess that’s almost a positive for these particular titles, but in general, no censorship laws is the one thing OEL yaoi has going for it and not using it is just letting their free ice cream melt.

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YAOI HENTAI (Yaoi Press)

I am slowly – so very slowly – making my way through this pile of Yaoi Press titles that has been sitting around for ages – someone gave them to me free, and now I can see why. The thought of reading the rest of these is akin to slogging back to work at 8am on a Monday after a great weekend, but it has to be done. For posterity, you know? They’re the yaoi equivalents of the forgotten schlocky VHS B-movies someone unearths outside a Goodwill that end up on Red Letter Media – except they haven’t been forgotten just yet. They will though. Let 20 years or so pass, and they’ll age like fine wine for the bad OEL manga connoisseur. So, person from the post-apocalyptic future who just found a tattered copy of Xorcisms and Pogo Sticks also by YP in some bombed out basement while foraging for expired Campbell’s tins and then dusted off the ancient internet archives using the government-issued chip in their head to see where this curious paper relic full of badly-drawn dicks came from and it led you to here to this website, well ha ha ha mister I totally predicted this already, and get out of my bomb shelter you future intruder. And don’t touch that lever! Ha, just kidding, my bomb shelter would have way better reading material – useful, serious, and contemplative tomes for humanity’s uncertain future such as Dick Fight Island, Gay’s Anatomy and Long & Hard! My Brother’s Cute Gay Classmate Fucked My Ass So Hard We Both Turned into Sentient Sex Robots In Another World Where Everyone Has 17 Nuclear-Powered Mega Dicks?! (You caught me, this one doesn’t exist yet, but I believe in the yaoi isekai future).

Warning: very NSFW images after the jump

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ALMOST CRYING (Mako Takahashi)

Last month I was at some comic book store and found one of those ‘guide to anime / manga’ books, this one by Dark Horse. Whenever I see one of these, I always flip to the yaoi section to see if they have some hot photos for educational purposes. In a brief note about shotacon, they mentioned that Almost Crying is one of the only shota licenses we have in English, albeit a non-erotic one (Wikipedia mentions this too by the way, but seeing it in a more official medium had more weight). I have had Almost Crying on my shelf for a while but didn’t realize it was a title worthy of any special mention among June’s numerous mid 2000s shounen-ai licenses, so I was a bit surprised. I mean, lots of yaoi has characters that could pass for shota boys, especially the ukes, and while the cover of this book is certainly indicative of how the characters look it didn’t strike me as ‘oh wow this is positively groundbreaking for the US yaoi market’ I guess. I’m also not really into shota either and am perfectly content that it’s largely located in the ‘you have to know where to look’ category, but the non-sexual nature of this title definitely broadens its appeal. And appealing it is, in exactly the way it wants to be.

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LOVE BUS STOP (Ritsu Natsumizu)

I once came across this title when I first started collecting. Back in the day when naught but a few Makoto Tateno titles and random volumes of Junjou Romantica graced a single shelf above my bed, I flipped through it a used bookstore and didn’t see anything that grabbed me. I passed on it then, but this was before I developed a thing for handsome salarymen fantasizing about freeing each other from their expensive suits and ties and semblances of self-control to fucking each other in the learn-by-example way that working for The Man has taught them. With this new insight ripened and in season, I came across this title again, a year later – and now here we are. Harvest we shall.

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