Yaoi manga reviews and fujoshi ramblings
Kaori Monchi notes in the beginning of this manga that her little brother pasted the screentones. I’m not sure how old this kid is but I wonder if his friends at school know that he helps his older sister out with her gay porn stories?
Continue reading “WAGAMAMA KITCHEN (Kaori Monchi)”
This is essentially a 3-volume love pentagon soap opera rife with lying, cheating, confusing drama, sex, and…no romance. You perhaps would assume from the title that this is a romantic BL. I did, at least, and I was very wrong – there is about as much romance in here as the Saw movies. But there is…boys and men having slutty sex with each other, arguably something that could vastly improve a bad horror franchise on life support…not that I have one in mind or anything…
I’m not really sure how to segway from that so I guess, uh…let’s talk about Prince Charming!
Continue reading “PRINCE CHARMING (Akemi Takaido)”
We’re back-to-back with Kazuhiko Mishima books today, and thankfully this one is a bit better than First Stage of Love, but not by much. Oh but there’s sex! Great right? Well, it feels completely out of place and there’s no dick…in 2008, June was still slowly dipping its toes in the dick pool. Also the art isn’t great. But the characters are ok. Can’t have your yaoi cookies and eat them too with this one, but it’s an ok snack, even if it’s a tad stale and the frosting is too hard.
Continue reading “YOU MAKE MY HEAD SPIN (Kazuhiko Mishima)”
Did you wake up this morning craving a bad shounen-ai to read? No? Hmm, I can’t be the only one that wants to read bad BL from the 00s. There must be others out there somewhere, right? ….Right?
Well, if nothing else, if you’ve ever seen the BL parody anime Gakuen Handsome and were confused about the triangle chin jokes, this manga is a textbook example of the infamous Dorito chin in old BL they were making fun of. Now, serious question, do you prefer the red bag or the blue bag when it comes to Doritos? I will judge you on your answer….
Continue reading “PARADISE ON THE HILL (Momoko Tenzen)”
The back of the books calls this ‘one of the hottest, silliest yaoi manga ever written!’ Well me set the record straight right now, this has about as much truth to it as Epstein having killed himself. Not that most people actually take the marketing lines on book covers with anything but a grain of salt, but I’m seriously doubtful that whoever wrote that actually read this because it should, without a doubt, have a little official-looking seal somewhere on the cover that says ‘Certified Crap.’ I mean, that would probably only appeal to people like me who think it’s fun to play on the garbage pile, but least it wouldn’t be false advertising.
Continue reading “PART-TIME PETS (Reno Amagi)”
This was one of the most boring yaoi I’ve read in recent memory; I may as well have been reading a school textbook. I was thinking about the most mundane shit during it, like that I need more granola when I go to the store tomorrow and if I should really cancel Funimation yet (I should have like 2 years ago probably, but they really are taking their sweetass time porting everything over to Crunchyroll). My eyes were glazing over even during the steamy bits. The story was so predictable and trite and the art was passable but not really to my liking. I’ve certainly read worse, but I just really struggled to get through this one. Maybe I’ve just read so much bad yaoi that mediocre yaoi is now dead on arrival, who knows.
Continue reading “CANDY (Satomi Sugiya)”
My manga friend told me today this was the worst yaoi she’d ever read, and gave it 1/10 – so naturally, and very excitedly, I had to pull it from my shelf and read it immediately. I mean damn, that’s harsh, I’ve never even rated anything that low (not even Kingdom of Selfish Love, which is unfit even for toilet paper). Although I keep in mind that ratings are totally subjective opinions, I should also remember that most people don’t deliberately do the equivalent of yaoi dumpster diving, looking for the smelliest piles in the darkest corners and I’ve seen some shit. I’m going to have that faraway stare of a war veteran one of these days.
‘Grandma, why are you missing a leg?’
‘Oh sonny, back in the war, they dropped Studio Kosen titles on us, so many that we were slaughtered like cattle under a black rain of death, followed by Poison Cherry Drive for good measure which ate away our limbs and our will to live…’
‘Wow, how did you escape?’
‘I saw a glowing beam in the sky. It was the Incredible Kintaro himself, swinging his giant penis around the sky like Wonder Woman’s lasso, striking down the enemy with his thousand-pound titanium balls while yelling ‘Tofu Ball Choke!’ and shooting lasers out of his urethra.’
‘Grandma, you’re full of shit.’
‘Hey, respect your elders you little fuckhead.’
Shotacon and non-con are like cheese and chocolate. Some people think they shouldn’t be mixed at all, because it tastes gross and makes you feel gross. Some are warmer to it but definitely think there’s a real art to accomplishing it in a way that makes it tolerable much less enjoyable. The third group is spraying Cheez Wiz on Hershey bars as we speak while calling groups 1 and 2 politically-correct pussies in between chews.
The first group probably shouldn’t bother with this series, but it might as well be a Sunday School book to the third group, who think ‘Boku no Pico’ is shit because it’s mainstream shota. That leaves the second group, who will be largely divided because for many palates, the mess of cheese and chocolate mix in here is not always the tasty kind.
Continue reading “NAUGHTY BUT NICE + SPICY BUT SWEET (Naduki Koujima)”
So, I don’t mind student-pursuing-teacher storylines, and I don’t mind younger semes with older ukes, but if those two things overlap on some kind of yaoi venn diagram it’s not really my cup of tea. Maybe I just haven’t read one I really liked yet, but I think when it gets down to it – college students are one thing, but when I think about the guys I knew at 16, and then pretend they were gay, the idea that any of them would be able to top someone older and more experienced than them, much less satisfy them, much less seduce them, much less have the confidence to try in the first place, much less put another comma in this sentence, is kind of laughable. Granted, I went to Catholic school, so that probably means diddly squat. Maybe in some public schools out there people were so used to this that when Johnny bent Mr. Smith over in the janitor’s closet after Algebra 2, they didn’t even have to shut the door – and that’s still *if* doing questionable things with the mop handle wasn’t completely off the table. You know those kids that were duller than a tan crayon yet somehow always got good test scores? You gotta wonder…
Continue reading “LOVE LESSON (Hanae Sakazaki)”
That awkaward moment when you try to get a kid of questionable age to do something by tying him down and giving him a hand job while making out with your friend but it doesn’t convince him to do what you want so you get forced to blow the school director’s son while his brothers watch and then the same annoying kid starts going to your school and becomes resident advisor and makes rules against no gay stuff but starts to like gay stuff because you kiss him once but really you like your roommate Miku and you get pissed because you get forced to suck that same guys’s dick again while Miku and your other friend drug the annoying kid with spiked hot chocolate and dress him up like a slutty girl while he’s unconscious complete with shampoo dripping from his mouth for blackmail and then later everyone tries to rape him and you’re like wtf all I wanted was to get my asshole rammed in peace by my roommate without getting forced to blow people as punishment for shit I didn’t do. I think we can all relate.
Continue reading “CAN’T WIN WITH YOU (Honami/Takaguchi)”