It’s 4:00pm and you’re supposed to have dinner with your mom and her new boyfriend in an hour. You’re pawing through your dresser looking through something to wear, that special something that says “look mom, I’m totally normal and also go to church every Sunday, and your new boyfriend will think so too.” That green dress she gave your for your birthday one year? Hmm, not your color anymore since you just got those pastel purple highlights. How about that white romper that you got at TJ Maxx? Ugh, no – does *anyone* besides Beyonce look good in a white romper? You look at the clock, you have to leave in 10 minutes, your cat is staring at you with that you-better-not-forget-to-feed-me-before-you-leave look. Ugh, decision time. You’re at the bottom of the last drawer now. You lift up a blue striped cardigan you haven’t worn since college because it shrunk in the wash that time you accidentally did laundry while drunk, and then, suddenly, THERE IT IS –
Your eyes widen in the way girls’ do when they find the perfect thing to wear that day. O69 makes BINGO!!!
I’m joking of course. Unless you hate your mom’s new boyfriend, in which case I am totally not joking and this is a great idea, and you might actually turn him gay which would solve two problems at once.
But actually, I went to my city’s Pride fest this past weekend and this would have been the most perfect thing to wear. I was going to wear my Yuri on Ice shirt but felt like if I was ever going to come across one of those breeds of SJW who thinks Yuri on Ice is queerbaiting and would want to argue about it, it would be at Pride fest. So I just wore a regular ‘ol Pride shirt; one I designed, actually – I used to work for a nonprofit and they participated in a lot of Pride events around the state, and I handled all their apparel design. Unfortunately I was never asked to draw any dicks on them, which is a shame because working on de-censoring doujinshi has given me an uncanny wealth of knowledge about dick anatomy for not having one.
But had I worn THIS, see, I think parties of all sexual preference can get on board with it. The Kickstarter page mentions they are ideal for wearing at conventions, which I would wholeheartedly agree with if there were more freaking yaoi conventions to wear them to. I mean you could at regular anime conventions of course but I wouldn’t do it alone. I feel like us fujoshi need to at least travel in pairs for protection when quite literally wearing our colors on our sleeve to this extent and then walking into a convention hall where the ratio of people who like 2D anime dudes boning goes from around 98% at a yaoi-specific convention (that 2% is straight guys who were forced to go with their fujoshi girlfriends) to maybe about 15% at a regular one. I’d at least have to bring my dick stick* for protection being that outnumbered.
Btw, I really think they should have made pajamas too – I tend to think that more than a few girls who would be shy about wearing something like this in public would jump at the chance to sleep in fleecy pants with those same prints on them. Feel yourself up and a hot guy at the same time, you can pretend you’re not sleeping alone!
Anyway – the whole point of this post (I did have a point, besides avoiding work), was to say – shut up and take my money, and they are sooo close to their goal too! I think they’ll make it! Click on the image to go to their Kickstarter page.
*What is a dick stick you ask? Behold, I finally know – I found this at Pride. Yes, that is a dildo selfie stick. But if you want to get all technical – every dildo is a selfie stick. *badum-tisch* (I can’t actually take credit for that one, my friend Sebastian has better jokes than me).
