…in which I learned that apparently Japan isn’t really familiar with Christmas lights. I know they don’t really celebrate it like we do but I definitely saw them on the trees when I was in Japan around November, maybe they just don’t associate them with the holiday? Hmm. Oh, also, there’s a weird weiner in here. Like, not that I’m a professional, but I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to look like a wet finger.
Before reading this one, this girl who I buy a lot of yaoi from (and by ‘a lot,’ I mean I literally bought half my collection from her – thanks JS!) gave it a pretty scathing review. I don’t usually agree with reviews on either extreme so I was skeptical, but I think she was right on the money with this one. It was just…bad. And it even had multiple sex scenes in it, which is usually a saving grace for…well I guess everything in life?
By far the best thing about it is that the main character Sui is so cloyingly & uke-tastically adorable it’s stupid – in fact I think I bought this book for that very reason if I remember right (tell me that cover isn’t cute af). In general the art is kind of ‘meh’ throughout and full of awkward proportions and facial expressions that don’t really match the dialogue, but you can tell this mangaka sure loves drawing Sui, and it shows.
His weiner looks like a half-melted popsicle though. It’s one of the weirdest ones I’ve seen in recent memory. You’re curious now, right? Tell you what, read to the end and maybe I’ll post a picture. That’s right, I’m dangling a proverbial carrot on a stick in front of you (less of a metaphor than you think) in the form of bizarre looking uke weiners to read my reviews. Welcome to TheBLacklist! Also, don’t worry, it won’t be that long of a read, because I don’t want my proliferation of bullshit on the internet to interfere with my sacred Iwatobi Swim Club-watching time.
So anyway…besides Sui here, the identical twin of Sealand of Hetalia (google it and tell me I’m wrong), we have Daiki here, who’s evidently the youngest person to go to college in the US, almost a Nobel Prize winner, AND an Olympic qualifier! Who looks like a movie star! (Actual description they give). Wow, what a guy! It’s almost like they strung some accomplishments on there for the fuck of it, sounds a little unbelievable. Unless they have a sport in the Olympics now which judges you on your ability to make moody faces in Jack Sparrow eyeliner while raping younger boys, in which case I might change my mind.
Well since I went and dragged out the R word there, I better explain myself before the femnazis get triggered (if femnazis read yaoi, that is, much less this blog). I know that a lot of yaoi draws a thin line between dub-con and non-con, but most of the time the far end of the spectrum is playful, sexy non-con that the uke secretly enjoys, maybe even because he says so. Perhaps that’s what this first sex scene was aiming for, but it fell pretty far from the mark, imho. It was uncomfortable and not enjoyable to read at all, which is usually my somewhat ambiguous yardstick for when non-con falls off the sexy train into something that feels pretty out of place in a lighthearted yaoi love story. Maybe it’s also because Sui is so cute and innocent and naive and Daiki comes off as such a chode stick that it was fairly painful to read, but either way it didn’t sit well with me and as someone who generally likes non-con in yaoi that’s unusual. I am aware though that these things are circumstantial, debatable, and hard to judge, so feel free to see what your take is on it.
The story (if you can call it that..the main plot point is a dorm decorating contest) and awful dialogue are made worse by the fact that Sui’s childhood friend and older-brother-figure Sousuke is pretty perfect for him, and he just gets completely shafted (no pun intended). The summary on the back of the book tries to entice you “Sui runs into the arms of Sousuke….,” but nothing ever happens between the two of them, which is a damn shame. All Sui wants is rapey emo guy a.k.a. “the king.” Don’t worry Sousuke, you wouldn’t want to date someone with judgment that terrible anyway – Sui is a lost cause. If the first time a guy comes in physical contact with you he licks your eyeball and the second time he ass-rapes you, and you still want to date him, that’s kind of fucked up.
TL;DR: Oh man, this is bad – non-sexy non-con, plot and dialogue are worse than the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special. The uke Sui is cute af though even though he has a melted popsicle for a penis.
Look, you made it to the end! I guess I have to keep my end of the bargain.
Pick your prize! See what’s behind:
Door # 1 Door # 2 Door # 3