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GOLDEN CAIN (You Asagiri)

I picked it out of my collection to read because my friend Shinami read it and announced that “of all the 150+ BL I’ve read so far, this one is the worst.” Holy hole in donut Batman, talk about music to my ears. Of course I had to read it right away!

I was not disappointed. Golden Cain is potentially the most aggressively and grotesquely awful BL story I’ve ever read. It’s almost so bad it’s good, but while trying to turn that corner it instead flies off the cliff in flames, collides with a plane, and then crashes into a burning pit of toxic waste.

My reviews don’t usually contain spoilers, but this one will, because I have to break down the plot for you so you can seethe level of ‘bad’ we’re dealing with here. If ‘bad’ could be quantified in height, this is beyond even skyscraper-level bad, this is like pile-of-Godzillas-on-Denali bad. I need to talk about almost every plot point in this review, if for no other reason than as a form of therapy to process the trauma that’s been inflicted on me from reading this, so I’ll avoid redacting the spoilers for simplicity’s sake. Just know that there’s spoilers after the jump!

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ONE NIGHT LESSON (Ryo Takagi)

This manga is by Ryo Takagi of Kirepapa ‘fame,’ and judging by how that one went I expected this one to be trashy, dumb, and hot…like those Girls Gone Wild DVDs they used to sell on late night infomercials except BL. Instead it was decidedly not hot and only a little trashy, but definitely aced the ‘dumb’ part with flying colors.

Let’s take a drive, shall we? We’ll start at 801 Poopoo Pass and turn left onto Shit Street…

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ALL NIPPON AIR LINES – ANAL (Kei Azumaya)

In terms of BL comedies we have in English, there are precious few laugh-out-loud gems. This one might have flown under the radar (!) a bit as it aged because the art is kind of bad, but the rest is so great that it honestly doesn’t matter – particularly if you, like me, never grew out of dick and butt jokes being riotously funny. So buckle your seatbelts, put your phones on airplane mode, and let’s jam this cockpit wide open because this is an A.N.A.L. hijacking. Aw wait, shit, should have remembered the warning:

…unless you want your shit pushed in, in more ways than one

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